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Friday, March 10th, 2006
2:36 pm
I miss the kind words. I need someone to tell me that I am loved, that I am beautiful etc. It's quite hard to convince my current boyfriend that I can't live without that.

It feels like he only thinks about himself. He didn't even think of asking me if he could take me to work today. The only solution I see now - is to quit asking him for anything. It will make his life easier. Soon after that it will be even easier - without me.

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Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
11:19 pm
So many things to say, so many things to do. I feel happy. The life goes on the way I like it!

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Monday, May 31st, 2004
12:26 am
I am totally frustrated.
I'd like to talk to him openly, but I can't. Just because of my bf, who knows him well, who works with him.
*sigh*

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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
12:23 pm
Tonight I dreamed about him. This was funny: it's like in real life - when we meet, we tend to keep a certain distance between us. When I try to come closer, he goes away. So it was just the same in my dream.
Ehh... I'd really like to kiss him. I feel so stupid. :)

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12:45 am
He's cute. When he looks at me I can't stop smiling. He's really lovely. Meow.

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Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
1:45 am
I'm in love. No really...
There are a few thing I like in him: his hands, the way he drives his car, and his smile. He's a lion by horoscope, which makes it even more fascinating.
But... here's also my boyfriend, and he will never understand it. %(

Currently I rather go with the flow.

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Sunday, May 5th, 2002
10:37 pm
I must be destined to be alone.
I had enough pain for one year.

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10:25 pm
Somehow I don't get it. At all. I remember him asking that I didn't kiss him on today's party, but what was it all about? Why did he decide to keep it to himself?
I don't think that he was really sure that girls don't know about our relationship. Well boys don't, but this is something differemt, because I don't care about other boys.
Besides on Friday's party he didn't refuse to go out with me and to kiss me. I was so happy, and now I am crushed. This could be about small flat, where anyone could come at any moment, but I think that people would appreciate our private conversation, and don't come until we finish talking or whatever.
I don't know if I need all this. I had enough pain in my life, and any additional pain, even caused unintentionally, leads to deepest thoughts of staying alone.
I need to be loved. And in case of my new boyfriend, I am ready to be loved and to love. I don't care about people around me, but seems like he does. He's not joking (even joking!) about marriage anymore. This relationship has no future -- that is what is probably on his mind. Then why bother and meet me? Why hurt me? Stupid thing.

He hurt me today again with his stupid jokes. I can stand them... yet. Man, I must really love him.

current mood: crushed

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Sunday, April 14th, 2002
12:33 pm
Recent events proved, that I was just looking for a man to love. Who is not R. I was wondering why I was so sad, when R. didn't write to me, I now know it, I loved him, but he didn't really care about me, he wanted me.
I guess we'll remain friends, as we never actually loved each other (it was my imagination, no doubt). He's nice and caring, but he's not what I need.

current mood: accomplished

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Wednesday, November 28th, 2001
10:59 pm - Sad.
This is all so sad... Seems like he will never write again. Or is that she? No. I don't want to think about that. I am sure noone could keep writing letters for so long.
Why doesn't he answer now. What keeps him waiting? He doesn't want to call? I don't make him do it. He's free, and there's nothing I can ask him about.
But I do want to receive a letter from him. I wish I could receive it.
Dreams must come true.
Love... is that you?

current mood: sad

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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2001
10:24 pm
Now he's not writing... Why?! Did I tell him something wrong? God... help me.
I need his support, and he's not writing :(

current mood: sad

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Monday, August 27th, 2001
1:18 pm - What is next?
Here we go.
Life is quite boring at the moment.
Wonder what I should do to improve my happy state of life?
Add some love? I guess I have enough of it.
Something else? I should think of it.

current mood: lonely

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